If you are reading this, I’m sure you know about The Row challenge I’ve already embarked on. If you don’t, then welcome, how have you started here (?!), and go check what it’s all about! As this, dear reader, is, if you haven’t worked it out already, a blog to help further document my progress on the challenge. It will give me the opportunity to go a little deeper on topics and my thoughts than I can on Instagram and other platforms. Unless you’re my wife who will pretty much hear everything as I think of it. She is very much the woman behind this great, nae, half-broken man.
I had a moment of clarity of sorts this week. This is rather a random challenge when you are first introduced to it. There is a reason behind the madness to how I got to defining what it is, but I appreciate that on face value it comes across as the commitment of an ill-advised man. Well, let me try and explain.
I’ve found that I need a daily routine to help balance my mind. It consists of tasks, hobbies, non-negotiables, that leave me in a good place for the rest of the day. To win the day. I’m sure I’m not alone in having heard people use the phrase, ‘be kind to yourself’. But what does that actually mean? Buying a new car might be kind to myself but not my bank balance. Having that eighth pint might seem like being kind to myself at the time, but it certainly isn’t the next morning. Treating myself to the tempting food that results in a food coma. I could go on. For me, being kind to myself means a commitment to who I am and what I want to do. It’s also discipline. A daily expression that will help ease the realities of this world we live in and to provide the weight for balance compared to the other side of ‘life’.
It's taken a little while to settle on what I feel I need to do to form my daily routine. A lot of reflection and introspection has been applied over months of consideration. It was a process that has helped me understand who I am. Trusting my initiative and my emotional wellbeing on how I operate. It’s also an exercise in identity and life design. I want my actions to match who I think I am and how I want to identify myself. I also want the activities to benefit my health, both mentally and physically.
Exercise had to be part of it. It was obvious. An area of my life that I had neglected, even ignored for the best part of a year and it shows. It’s undeniable positives for my physique, mental clarity, and energy levels, ensured that it is a cornerstone of my journey on improvement. I was always an active person who enjoyed sport. Unfortunately, I suffered a nasty knee injury playing rugby in 2015. It meant that I could no longer participate in a sport I love or other sports I enjoyed – or even may enjoy in the future. What’s worse is that I feel the affects of this injury physically to this day and I will for the rest of my life. This has had a mental impact too. This hugely impacted my perception of my identity, and also created a new one that is now bestowed upon me, however unwanted. I need to wrestle this back and ensure that exercise will remain a part of my life in a way that I can control.
The two other elements that now form the blueprint of my mornings are reading and writing. I’ve always felt better from reading. It’s such a rewarding experience and something I’ve felt has developed me as a human, through the power of storytelling. I won’t dismiss self-help books and other non-fiction, but novels have broadened my horizons no end. Therefore, a page count of a classic is proving to be an incredibly poignant exercise. In terms of writing, it’s always felt like it’s something I’m meant to do. Over the years I’ve always thought myself as a writer but, in reality, I wasn’t actually writing. I called ‘bullshit’ on myself and realised I need to write something each day to be a writer. It also has incredible cathartic and creative enjoyment. It’s surprising what comes out on the page from my subconscious compared to talking about or through things (which in itself is an important tool). Naturally, this blog is an outlet for such writing, in line with the rest of how I’m documenting my progress.
So, each morning, my alarm goes off at 5am, I make a coffee, I sit down to write, I row my 5km and at some point throughout the rest of the day, I read a few chapters. It makes me feel fucking great. My energy levels and application to other parts in my life (relationships, work, etc.) seem to have also improved. I’m also not going to beat myself up if there are days when each part of the routine is not fulfilled. That would be pointless. The point being – the endeavour to complete is what I do each day.
Daily exercise needs discipline and accountability. This challenge achieves that. That’s why it’s long term. I’m in too deep already to back out! The daily grind. 5km is not easy on a rowing machine. For me, it’s a daily challenge mentally that I have proven that I can complete to myself, previously. When that voice says to stop, I know I have the power to get through it, as I’ve done it before. Winning that challenge puts me in a positive position for the rest of the day.
‘Why rowing?’, I hear you ask. Yes, only 900 odd words or so into this blog and I’m starting to explain the physical challenge itself (but forgive me that I needed to explain the mental side to get to this point). The rowing machine is the tool that’s helped me get into the best shape I’ve been in previously. It is an exercise I can do considering my knee. It’s technically based, which helps occupy my mind in a row. I have a rowing machine at home that I can use to fit around my day. It’s a different exercise to running, walking, or cycling that a lot of fundraisers are based on. It all made sense.
Another part of me wanted to do something big and to raise money for a mental health service. I lost my friend James to suicide. I still can’t put into words the affect this had on me. I look back and I realise that I was in a difficult place mentally at that time for other reasons without knowing it, but when I heard the news of his death, I went to a place I didn’t know existed. I was diagnosed with depression 6 months after this, as I battled my own mind. I’ve found I need support. I often wonder if James had more or a different type of support, things may have been more bearable for him. The Row scratches the itch of a ‘big thing’ and a challenge to help me raise money. It’s also a way of me taking control and empowering myself to fight each day.
The Bury St. Edmunds (hometown) to Lisbon (location of James’ last days) route chose itself. The story and distance to lend itself to a long-term challenge was perfect. So 5km a go, I’m chipping away at the distance of 2,288.8km, as part of my routine. It’s helping so far. It will also test my resolve for discipline. All of it by design.
I hope you continue to follow my journey in whatever way works for you. I’m hoping this blog will add a bit more meat to the bones of the Instagram updates and other things I have planned. Who knows, future blogs may have a bit of humour too! But I felt that for this first entry, I needed to explain a bit about my situation and how I came to embark on this daft, yet already rewarding challenge. Back to the rower seat in the morning.
Tom
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